Reflections on a writing conference by a writer (or someone who wants to be)
You always want to wow them.
There is no way that someone who has written and published books from their home for five years could ever mentally prepare herself for a writing conference of this magnitude. ACFW does nothing halfway.
There are moments of desperation. Moments of elation. Moments when you wonder if they will all realize that you don't belong and cast you out of their presence (and possibly out of the hotel as well). More than once I expected someone to ask me to leave their table, to throw my proposal back in my face, or to simply tell me I'm a fraud.
No one did and everyone was wonderful, but that isn't the point. The point is that I fear it. I fear failing. I fear not being good enough. Or I go to the other extreme and fear writing will take over my life and I will neglect my family and always regret it.
Sometimes we fear success as much as we fear failing.
It's over now. Almost everyone is on a plane back to who-knows-where and I might never see any one of them again. In fact, I CAN never see them again.
All I have to do is not finish what I've started.
But God didn't make me a quitter. I'm a fighter. Like so many of my heroines, I fight for those I love and what I want. And I want this. I might have been content being an unknown indie, but it looks like I might have a shot at something better that God has for me.
And I trust Him. So, to those God used to get me here, I thank you. To those I cried on this week, I'm sorry. And to my family, I miss you.
But this was worth it no matter the outcome.